Don’t Forget About Me

Don't Forget About Me

When I was a little girl, my Grandma Lucy had the cutest little flowers in the back yard. Grandma was a gardener and she loved to grow vegetables most of all, but right up along the back of the house was a flowerbed. In that flowerbed were some adorable little blue Forget-Me-Nots. I wish I had an actual picture from her garden but this one I found online will have to do.

I have memories of laying in the grass staring at those little blue flowers and wondering why God would make something so beautiful, so small. The color was so perfect that I thought they should be much bigger and have a more commanding presence. I could have stared at them for hours.

A few years ago, President Dieter F. Uchtdorf spoke about these little flowers and about how their presence pertains to us. I have loved that talk and all of the good it has brought to my life.

*Tangent*

I’ve used some Mormon words again, but I’ve linked them in case you want to know what I’m talking about.

*I’m back*

Forget-Me-Nots have five petals and he suggests that each one of these petals represents something that we need to remember.

Petal #1: Forget not to be patient with yourself.

You’re going to have bad days. You’re going to make mistakes. You’re going to stick your foot in your mouth. I did on Sunday. It’s funny now, but it wasn’t funny then.

*Side Story*

I was at church and I’d met this girl before, but not officially. I knew who she was but I’d never spoken to her. She was standing there while I was talking to her friend, so I introduced myself.

“Hi, I’m Abi.”

“Hi, I’m Sara.” (That’s not really her name – I didn’t get permission first.)

“It’s nice to meet you, Sara.” Long pause while I lifted my foot, then, “Sort of.”

SORT OF?! What the…?! Then I tried to save it.

“I mean… um… that’s not what I meant… I don’t know how to explain…”

By this time her friend is laughing his head off. He knows me well enough to know that I do this frequently.

“I’m just going to go now. I didn’t mean it that way. It really was nice to meet you and I hope you don’t hate me.”

And I walked away. He was still laughing and she had that look on her face like, “What just happened?”

They came over later and I was able to explain that I’d meant that it was nice to sort of meet her – I’d sort of met her before – not that it was sort of nice to meet her. She just laughed and I think we’re good now.

*Back to the point*

The point is to be patient with yourself. Give yourself a break once in a while. Every day doesn’t have to be a perfect one. Just do your best.

The basic point on this one is to not stretch yourself so thin that you and your family suffer because of it. The question he uses to help us figure out the difference is this: “Am I committing my time and energies to the things that matter most?” There are a lot of good things that we can do every day, but we can’t possible do all of them. Pick the best ones.

Petal #2: Forget not the difference between a good sacrifice and a foolish sacrifice.

Petal #3: Forget not to be happy now.

He uses Charlie and the Chocolate Factory as an example for this. Think of Charlie for a second. He was dirt poor but was happy. How can we be happy about our struggle with infertility? That’s the million-dollar questions, isn’t it? I’m still working on that one, but I have figured out that there are things that I can be happy about each day. Today, I’m happy that I’m done with my homework for the week so I can actually go on a date with my husband tomorrow night. I’m happy that I got a couple big-ticket things checked off my list at work today. There is something you can be happy about right now. What is it?

For those of you who many not be at all familiar with what Mormons do, I barely know where to start. We go to church on Sundays (for three hours, minimum); we study our scriptures (the Bible and the Book of Mormon); we pray; we fast once a month; some of us teach (could be any age group from 18-months up to, well, until they die); some are in leadership positions and direct congregations; the list goes on for a long time. It can seem overwhelming, and if we’re making foolish sacrifices, it can seem like even more. And, the real kicker, is that that we do it all for free.

Petal #4: Forget not the "why" of the gospel.

All of the busy work isn’t what the gospel is really about though. It’s not about the how, it’s about the why. Why do we do all of that? Nobody in leadership gets paid, none of the teachers get paid. For me, it’s because I want to help and I want to learn stuff. I love how I feel when I’m doing things I believe to be right. I want to keep that feeling so I keep doing. I keep teaching on Sundays. I keep going to my meetings when I would sometimes rather be sleeping. I want to become more like Jesus Christ and I believe that doing these things helps me move in that direction.

*Caveat: I am not perfect. I am not even close. I’m not pretending to be or claiming to be. I don’t know everything. I barely know a few things. I’m only claiming to believe and to try.

Petal #5: Forget not that the Lord loves you.

This was a hard one for a few years. If He loves me so much, why does He let me suffer like this? If he loves Jon so much, why doesn’t He let me give Jon what he wants and bless us both with a child?

Did He forget about me?

No. He hasn’t forgotten about me and He hasn’t forgotten about you. This is where we go back to finding our purpose. Infertility is our burden to bear, but we don’t have to do it alone and it’s not because He doesn’t love us. It just … IS. It exists. It happens. Why do some people get cancer? They just do. Why are some people born without fingers or toes? They just are. Nobody did anything wrong. They’re not being punished. It just happens.

It took me seven years to get to that place.

S E V E N. Y E A R S.

I am finally on the other side of that mountain and from this side, I can tell you that you are not forgotten. He does love you. He has something specific and special in mind for you, but you won’t be able to see it until you can get out of the darkness.

Did I also mention that I have a knack for being straight with people? I’m blunt and I stick my feet in my mouth up to my knees. It’s such a fun curse.

The moral of the story is this (let’s put it in bookends): Don’t forget to be patient with yourself, and remember that you are loved. If you don’t believe in God, then believe that I love you, simply because you’re trying. I always root for the underdog and there is no dog further under than a woman trying to fight her way through infertility.

Hang in there, Underdog.

Originally posted on January 14, 2016