Find the Flicker

Apparently, I took the weekend off. That was unintentional.

Throughout the weekend, however, I was thinking about things to write about. The one thing that kept coming to mind was simple. 

I’d been thinking about it for a couple of days actually, and then a friend on Facebook asked for help on a list of positive affirmations and it clicked.

It’s ok.

Not “it’s going to be ok” or “it will be ok,” but “it IS ok.”

Sometimes we get angry. It’s ok.

Sometimes we hurt. That’s ok too.

Wherever we are is ok.

I don’t know where it came from, but I heard a quote once that has stuck with me for a very long time.

“I love you just the way you are, but I love you too much to leave you that way.”

We hurt and we get angry and we mourn and cry because we need to grow. An egg doesn’t become a chicken overnight. Or, better yet, a seed doesn’t become a beautiful flower in one day. It takes blood, sweat, and tears to make that flower beautiful. It takes blood, sweat, and tears to make us beautiful too.

It’s ok to be where you are. Accept the fact that you’re going to get mad, want to throw things, cry (hard) and want to hibernate in your closet. If it hasn’t happened to you, I applaud you – you’re a much stronger person than I am. If it has happened, know this – it’s ok.

Do you know what’s NOT ok? Dwelling in it. Nobody wants to be around someone who NEVER sees the good in things. I learned that the hard way. I used to complain about everything. I saw what was wrong with the world without seeing what was right. I exaggerated the negative because it brought me attention (who doesn’t want attention? C’mon – you know you do – we all do). Eventually, thought, people got tired of feeding my negativity. When people get tired of feeding it, do you know what they do? They stop.

They stop returning phone calls and texts. They don’t visit you anymore. Every single person on this planet has some kind of struggle. It’s not any bigger or smaller than mine, just different. They needed to work through their struggle and my negativity wasn’t helping. It did, at first, because it gave them something else to focus on for a few minutes/days/weeks. After that, when they figured out that the couldn’t help me because I just wanted to be negative, they quit trying.

It wasn’t their fault, it was mine. It’s ok to have a bad day (I had a case of the Monday’s today like you wouldn’t believe). It’s even ok to have a bad week or a bad month. If you’ve had a miscarriage, you could have postpartum depression and that could last for a while. That’s ok. I promise, it’s ok. But don’t dwell on it. Don’t let yourself be swallowed up in darkness. Find a light and hold on tight. If that light is a friend, listen to them and genuinely try to do some of the things they suggest. If the light is a book, make yourself pick it up, even if that’s all you can do. Maybe tomorrow you’ll be able to read the back, and the next day you’ll be able to read the first page. One day at a time is find, just keep moving.

Remember: darkness is merely the absence of light, nothing more. Darkness cannot over-power light because darkness is nothing. Light is something. Light dispels darkness. Light grows and moves and warms. There is a flicker, somewhere. It’s ok to be where you are – accept it for what it is – and find the flicker. Grab that mother-flicker and hold on. Do your best and it will grow. If your best is taking a shower, that’s ok, just do it. Maybe tomorrow you can brush your teeth. Then, on Wednesday, you can put them together.

One day at a time. That’s ok too.