Be Modest in ALL Things

I’ve been thinking about modesty a lot lately. I think it’s just because I’ve been seeing some stuff about it as I scroll through my social media feeds. I read a post the other day had this quote in it:

“Young women ought to be taught that modesty is about how they want to present themselves, how they want to feel, how they desire to show their obedience to the Lord, and what’s most important to them. Let’s make sure we aren’t inadvertently teaching our young women to be responsible for others’ thoughts and behavior.”

To clarify a little bit before I continue, the article did address how young men should also be taught modesty in this way too – not just the young women.

I completely agree. If modesty really is about how we present ourselves, how we want to feel, how we desire to show our obedience to the Lord, which it is, then let us teach all of the youth those things.

I also agree that we are not responsible for others’ thoughts and behaviors. Part of the purpose of life is to learn to control ourselves – our thoughts, our actions, all of it. I wish I could find this story, but I remember hearing someone tell it during a broadcast or conference or something. I believe it was an Apostle, but it could have been another General Authority. Anyway, it went something like this.

He was walking to the office from his car one morning. He worked in the Church Office Building in downtown Salt Lake City and the parking lot was a block or so away. As he was walking along, the song “Families Can Be Together Forever” randomly popped into his mind. He said that it stopped him in his tracks. As he stood there wondering where the song came from, he said he turned around and saw a rather attractive young woman in a rather short skirt walking in the opposite direction. It was then that he knew where the song had come from and how it got there.

Earlier in his life he’d found that different songs or different scriptures helped him to face different types of temptation. He’d used this song in particular to help remind him of his family when he was concerned that he might be tempted to look at women other than his wife. He’d practiced it so many times that this time, when he hadn’t even consciously seen the woman he passed, the song was still there, still reminding him of his wife and family.

This man took responsibility for his own thoughts and his own actions. A beautiful woman in a short skirt had an effect, of course, BUT he knew that it was his responsibility to monitor and control himself.

Modesty is like integrity – it’s about who you are when nobody else is looking. It’s not about the WHAT: What are you buying? What are you saying? What are you wearing? It’s about the WHY: why are you buying it? Why are you saying it? Why are you wearing it?

When we ask ourselves the WHYs things change a little bit, at least they did for me.

Don’t get me wrong – I’m not saying that we should all dress ugly and frumpy and wear our pajamas all the time. What I am saying is this – am I buying this skirt, dress, shirt, etc., for myself or am I buying this to impress someone else? Would I wear this if I knew my parents or grandparents were coming to dinner? Or would I say that if I knew that God was listening?

And I’ve been trying really hard not to judge others’ motivation for what they say or wear or buy. Her choice to share the latest gossip with me doesn’t mean that I have to believe it or let it affect the way I think or feel about someone else. His choice to buy the monster truck as a commuter car doesn’t make him evil. Just because it’s not something I would say, wear, buy, or do doesn’t make it wrong for them. I won’t have to answer for their choices, but I will have to answer for mine.

I choose to wear “modest” clothing because it’s what I’m comfortable in. I choose to drive the cars I drive and live in the house I live in because I like them. Sure, the house is a mess, but I’m doing my best – the best I can with what I have – and that’s all that’s asked of me.